preparing to say goodbye...

Sorry folks, no cute pics...no updated projects...just me...and my thoughts of course.  I need to deal with some of this and frankly writing is one of my better ways.  Gramps is going downhill...granted we've known that for the last 5 months...but it's getting closer...they talked with hospice last week...that word...such a hard word...so heavy...so much rests on that word...the end...saying goodbye...I am dealing well with all of this.  I had 2 grandparents in my life...that's it...never knew my dad's side...never met them.  So I had 2 grandparents...maybe that has spoiled me in a way, everything I had wrapped up in 2 loving people.  I know the end of the road has to come...I know that...I hate goodbye...I hated goodbye with my grandma 4 years ago...it tore me apart in a way I never knew possible.  I am not ready to go through that again.  I love my grandpa so much...I am SO blessed, so lucky to have him...at 91 years old he has been able to play with my girls...at 90 he got down on the floor with them in their bouncy seats to play with them...they are blessed to have him....even if only for a little while.  How do you prepare for this kind of thing?  How do you start saying goodbye before you have to say goodbye?  I don't know that you can...every time I thought I have prepared I very obviously haven't.  We thought we lost him before Christmas...I prepared....he didn't go....I shoved everything back down and started my life in the land of denial again.  And here I am...in the land of denial...hoping, praying that somehow someway...this doesn't have to happen...that somehow with everything else going on I don't have to walk the road of this sorrow and grief...and yet...there is it....knocking on the door....I think this is where only having 2 grandparents is hard....if I had 2 sets maybe I could talk solice in the loving arms of other grandparents...not that that would help in this case as my dad's side have passed already...but I am just saying...maybe in my dream world if there were 2 sets...*sigh*  For now...I will spend time with him, make memories with him, take pictures of he and the girls when I can...love him, love him love him....cause I am not sure what else to do.  Have I mentioned this sucks?  Cause it does, period.