If only grieving were easy...

Man, this is hard.  I mean I have grieved in my lifetime...the loss of my great uncle when I was 16, my great uncle harry within that week, as well as my "grandma" rose that same week...my great aunt mary a year or so later...the loss of my baby (miscarriage), grandma 4.5 years ago and now gramps a little over 2 weeks ago.  You would think as you walk the path of life that grieving would get easier...that you would get better at it...that it would hurt less.  It doesn't.  And that sucks to be frank.

I have found myself the last week or so not feeling like myself...to be honest, I am struggling with being depressed.  Life has been rough the last year...hard in many ways, from physically hard working on the house to emotionally hard with children and marriage.  And you top that off with grief...a new grief...and I am not "handling" well. 

Part of me wants me to just "get over it" but the common sense part of me says that's not logical...and I don't want to get over him.  The memories are etched so firmly in my mind, I still see him at my parent's house and that so many days just kills me inside.  But yet because my mom is grieving and my dad is grieving I don't feel like I should be allowed to grieve...now that doesn't make sense, but I am just telling you my heart.

So here I am, in a world that feels like it's spun upside down...like most things are going wrong not right...and trying to be a mom, wife and daughter but still let me heart feel the pain it needs in order to heal.  If only grieving was easy...or convenient...but it's not.

So please, excuse my mess...please excuse my lack of bubbliness...my lack of talking...I am not myself, I cannot tell you when I will be again...but I know I am not now...please, just be patient, be my friend and let me know you love me...the healing will come...I just don't know when.