Armen's grandma passed away Wednesday morning. Again, as with my gramps we knew it was coming, but as we have discovered, that doesn't always make the process easier. When my grandma passed away almost 5 years ago, I took some consolation that I still had a grandma, grandma Badeer. I know she was my grandma by marriage, but I never doubted she loved me as a grandchild. She was such a loving, kind woman of God, always sharing nuggets of God's truth and blessing to anyone and everyone that would listen. I loved her as though she were my own grandma.
She was always SO overjoyed to see the girls and how much they had grown. I remember the first time we took them to meet her. It was shortly after they were born (they might have been 2 weeks old), the joy in her eyes and the love she had when she held them is imprinted on my heart.
Many of you know I love to bake, I adore to bake actually...christmas it gets CRAZY in my kitchen...a couple years ago our stove crapped out and grandma and grandpa badeer so very graciously bought us any stove we wanted. I had dreamed for years of a double oven...a baker's dream...and because of their love and generousity my dream was filled. This memory hit me today...it's not a big thing, but I know, now when I bake or use my stove I will remember with love grandma badeer.
I know also I will never view things like kufta soup, baclava, humus, pilaf, or kabobs the same (my apologies to any badeer family members reading if I butchered the spellings)...grandma always made things with such love...love for the foods and love for her family...and even though I may not love all the foods, I adore how much love she poured into her service for her family and strive to do so with my own family.
On the honest side of things, I am still having a rough time. I felt like I might be pulling out of my funk...I could think about gramps without bursting into tears...I could look at pictures with fondness. Now...I am grieving all over again and realizing that I don't think I had finished grieving gramps. My heart has these holes, holes that these wonderful people who loved me filled so well...and now they are gone...and I am still not really sure how to deal with that. I mean I "know" how...but the real answer is time, prayer, more time, some grace...and oh yeah....time.
I don't know why the Lord has decided to remove so many loved ones from our lives in such a short span of time...I may never know...but I know it hurts...it sucks...and I am doing my best with God's grace, love and patience to get through the days one by one.
First Days of School
11 years ago
Geez Tracy, I'm so sorry. Again I was stopping by to leave you a funny comment about curling Livia's hair, and I read this. I think the same thing happened last time. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say I think Livia would have us both tangled up in the cord in 2 seconds flat if I ever tried to go near her with the curling iron...it's natural. :-)