Gramps...

So I am having a bit of a rough day so I figured, what better way to handle some of the emotions than to blog...

I got a call last night from my mom at about 10:15 saying my gramps went into the hospital in Cozad.  They were concerned at that point about possible pneumonia but somehow in the process they found his heart was racing too fast and beating out of rhythm.  They did blood work and found that his enzyme levels in his heart are way too high.  During all of this his heart aparently went back into rhythm on it's own which is good.  They then decided to bring him down here to the heart hospital.  So, I believe he was ambulanced down here in the middle of the night/early this morning and was admitted.  No news thus far as to what the prognosis is or what their thoughts are.  I tried to call my mom this morning but her phone is off, so my guess is she is at the hospital and with the drs so she can't have her phone on.

I am having a rough time with this because it feels like a mirror image of what happened with grandma.  Grandma went into the Cozad hospital and was life flighted down here only to be told she had several blockages and she refused surgery.  From there it was in and out of hospitals for several weeks until ultimately she fell asleep in the Cozad hospital and was gone.  My heart broke that day.  Losing my grandma was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I am not a normal kid...I don't have 2 sets of grandparents....my grandma and grandpa are it.  Losing one of them was like losing a HUGE chunk of my childhood and memories.  Now faced with the possibility of losing gramps...I can' think abou it.

Gramps is in great shape, he's 91 years old and doesn't look a day past 75.  He still hunts and fishes and travels.  The man is crazy!  He still keeps horses on his farm (race horses mind you) and feeds and cares for them.  He has had heart issues in the past and has had atleast 2 different sets of bypasses done in my lifetime.  The man has a mind like a tack...sharp sharp sharp...it amazies me to this day...I will sit with him and listen to his stories...stories from his childhood or the rest of his life and in the history of my small life...27 years...I have MAYBE heard a repeat story three times.  Always new stories, always recalled with detailed accuracy...example...he tells stories of his days as a manager of the Monroe plant in Cozad...if he tells the story, he can tell you what they were manufacturing on the line at that specific time and ALL the specs of the product...down to the tiniest detail.  I kid you not...I don't know how he does it.

I love this man.  I am so blessed that he has been able to be a part of my girls lives...and in active way...he is able to get down on teh floor and play with them, hold them, hug them...he knows them (he is the one I posted pics of holding the girls a month or so ago).  That was a prayer I had, and the Lord graciously answered it.  My request was actually for both my grandparents to meet their great-grandbabies, but that was not in the Lord's will so...I fear for him...I fear that in his 91 years of life he has not made the choice to give his life to the Lord.  He is catholic, and for as long as I can remember there has been a battle when salvation has been mentioned...a battle that we all believe the same thing so drop it.  My prayer now is that the Lord speak to his heart before his time draws to and end.

I know I am blessed.  I know that I have had my grandfather for 27 years...and that I am blessed that he is still around and kicking at 91.  I selfishly want more time.  I selfishly want my girls to knwo and remember the love that I know from gramps.  I am not sure I am ready to say goodbye...not that I am being asked to do so at the moment...I don't know that I am...but I am having a hard time even thinking about the possibility...